Awakening the Soul by Michael Meade

Author:Michael Meade [Meade, Michael]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2018-10-09T04:00:00+00:00

A PHILOSOPHICAL PROBLEM

As time went on, my own talks with the captain made it clear that the higher authorities believed I would eventually give in and agree to become an obedient soldier. The guards continued to give me orders despite the fact that I refused to follow any. I would point out the rather obvious fact that I was already in solitary confinement and had lost all privileges. Meanwhile, I began learning to concentrate my thoughts while also developing a routine of calisthenics. I was instinctively trying to keep myself mentally and physically steady. Ironically, I found myself using exercises I had learned in military training to keep fit as I struggled to figure how to get out of the army.

Weeks went by and when I did not seem to falter in any way, a new campaign was undertaken, which was intended to break my will. It seemed to be a kind of carrot and stick strategy. On some days, an officer would arrive and offer me an immediate release from prison if I would agree to simply return to my regiment. On other days, I would be warned that a plan was underway to send me to a federal prison for many years.

Eventually, it dawned on me that it was not simply that we had reached a deadlock with regard to my position of not following orders. In addition to that there was a philosophical misunderstanding. No matter how I acted, no matter what I said, I still looked like a soldier to them. Since I resided in a military stockade, continued to wear a uniform, and ate army meals, I must, in fact, be a member of the military. If I was in the military, it followed that I had to obey the rules and follow orders. I realized that if I continued to look like a soldier, they would continue to expect me to act like one.

When evening came, I took off my uniform and threw it into the hallway along with all the bedding and army blankets. It seems strange now, but in the extremity of the situation, it made sense at the time. I had been told over and over that in signing the induction papers and entering the army, I had given up all my rights as a citizen. Now, I stood almost naked behind the bars of my cell, with nothing other than a metal bunk suspended from the cinder block walls. By having nothing in the cell with me that belonged to the military, I tried to demonstrate that I did not belong there. What came as a surprise to me was the distinct feeling in my bones that I was not there.

It was not simply that I was absent from duty, more that I was not present in the sense that they thought I should be. I had not lost touch with reality. I knew I was in a military prison; but I had also come to know that inside the walls of my soul, the battle was over.

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